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queen_of_sanity
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Name: j dot
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Birthday: 1/3/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: writing, singing, acting, dancing, smiling :D
Expertise: writing, poetry, spoken word, being me, being introspective
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
3/6/2002
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| if your girl only knew
that you were trying to kick it with me
do me a favor please
don't speak my name-- no further association would connect you to me. no train of thought of my voice to ease the guilt of your actions. i am not your excuse any more nor a conquest that you failed to achieve. you cheated but then again it was all a game mister player you proved your point-- loud and clear. i wasn't the only one-- but is she the only one? i lost respect for every thing that i held pure but that too is tainted within your untrue.
don't speak my name-- don't ask about me-- i refuse to be used as a conversational piece for you to see where i stand. you don't care-- hence you don't call. i was concerned with the aspect of being friends, but you just wanted sex, how are you gonna disrespect me like that? after the love LOVE love thing i thought respect was what remained after the scene. how are you gonna treat her like you treated me?
the other girl-- never my part don't place a label over this title of brorn again woman. i will not be degraded to be your exotic mami chula who got away simply because i had faith in a higher power.
when you look at her don't think of me
i don't need to run in your thoughts because i refused to trek in your paths
i am a figment of your past
so let me hide away
don't awaken me when things get bad
because i won't answer your call
i don't pick up the phone
and i ask for you to do the same
stop trying to be a part of me-- coming in to say hello when you really mean good bye
my life isn't open to you anymore
you let that go
it's obvious you are a man of convictions, your motivations are not inspired by truth but by jealousy and greed.
don't speak my name-- we've said our piece a one too many times, and you've continued to peace out before i can even say hi. i've perfected humble goobyes-- and i can't say this anymore. | | |
| you know when you love someone, it's becomes more than this instant action-- more than the hormonal chemical that is produced that says "attraction". this love is unselfish. perhaps it borderlines obsession when the only interest you care about is that one person's. what they think of you, how they feel about the things you do. you notice you go out of your way to do things simply seeking their approval; maybe not even that, but their interest is your heart's goal.
i'm sounding cheesy i know. but think about it.
it stops being about you, and more about trying to connect to them. it becomes about them and just merely putting that smile on their face. to only bask in the light of their praises-- it's a mission. you love them. you put them on this pedestal with much respect and admiration that is beyond any other relationship.
it shouldn't drive you crazy. it's this natural joy for your job to make that other person happy. their wants and ambitions become yours. and what an incredible support system to have based on love.
and somehow even unrequited love is more than enough of a fill. even though it's not reciprocated, in some odd way you feel whole. because like i stated, it's not about your needs being met-- it's about them-- because you love them.
and love only gives.
but what do i know?
mkb | | |
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this is what ugly people do on a saturday night | | |
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the GAY PRIDE PARADE came through my neighborhood today, it was an amazing site to see. oh yeah, this is for mature OPEN minded audiences only. being a born again Chrisitian, i'm trying to get in right with the man upstairs-- but here's the twist, am i wrong for being gay friendly? i have had a lot of gay friends back in detroit, and i never called them out for that. i feel attraction is attraction. shoot, look at all the guys i fell for! but this confusion sets in, because now, being reborn, i'm supposed to live by GOD, in all essence denounce the whole gay friendly aspect etc, etc. and it's hard, because i didn't realize a lot of my friends are very close minded-- in turning trying to make me feel convicted of choosing to "love my neighbor" who too is a sinner like myself.
but you know what? who am i to judge? in the end of it all, it will just be GOD and that person. my transgressions might lay more heavy than that of a homosexual. so, i of course, the best way wrote this to sort out my feelings. i know i'm probably going to get some controversal responses-- but i'll take em as they come.
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hey GOD
sup with you? i'm dropping a line to ask you a few... a few questions based on your view. see me, i'm trying to get back in the WORD, trying to renew this birth of a spirit to caste out the evil demons inside before that time comes for me to sign off--
i'm trying to get used to this life, not trying to be of the world but rather your WORD and i can't help but get a lil bit confused by a few things. This golden rule, what's it really about? you said "LOVE THY NEIGHBOR" but seems like the hatred is seepin through harder. and deeper within-- it scriptures that homos are to perish in hell, but who says that i straight will not perish a home there as well? i don't get it. should i feel bad for befriending my fellow neighbor who has desires to be with the same sex? you said, "love thy neighbor" but yet "they are of ungodly nature"-- so where do i go from here? let me tell you what i believe and hold true to my heart-- love sees not the shell of physical but the soul. does soul claim gender? am i wrong for being "gay friendly" standing on the sidelines as the parade passes me by? i don't see myself getting into an intimate relationship with a female, cuz it's not my style, but who's to say they are wrong? why am i wrong?
"he who is without sin shall cast the first stone" so why are rocks pelting the skin of my brothers and sisters? who are we to judge what you made clean? perhaps their fault in life is there prefrence in partners, but their life is owned to you-- in the end it will just be you and he/you and she/you and me--
i got enough on my plate-- i barely have a clean slate, but somehow i'm not pointed out or convicted because i'm human, i am sinner. i may be "wicked and perverse" in my own right, but who's to say my actions aren't worst than the transgender male waving his flag because he's HERE, he's QUEER, get USED to it.
i want to do right with you, because my life is yours, you are my strength and i want to give back to you my all-- perhaps it's still me holding on to my old life, where i'd sit with my best friend because she's scared of coming out, of being her? and remembering the words of him, who'd be disowned becoming suicidal because who really wants to be gay in this WORLD? how does it automatically write their heart out as bad? evil? twisted? perverted?
i'm just trying to figure all this out-- trying to make sense of all this chaos we have created, trying to be a good christian in this modern day world, wondering if every breath this way or that is going to convict me to hell.
GOD your child is seeking your counsel. help. | | |
| marital status
my marital status does not say open for business. sure singleness does have it's lonely times but i'm simply not looking.
and i'm not looking at you-- the guy who's got his cock already up my ass before i can even say no. did it even occur to you that i'm not interested in pursuing relations with a cat who doesn't even know my name? and by the way the number i gave you was fake.
don't step to me with some weak ass lines to try and converse what you've already rehearsed in your head 10million times. please step correct. if you are trying to get into my pants i ain't got the time-- you have to stimulate my mind before you can think about unzipping your fly.
i don't go around flashing my ass or tits and my legs ain't spread open for you to fill up my buttercup. don't ask me what ethnicity i am and brag your skills of a language you and i didn't grow up speaking--
i'm trying to learn the walk of independence, trying to vocalize maturity. i don't find security in male companionship especially since you came to me thinking that even interests me.
i am a female in society keeping my guard up because i ain't trying to get raped or harassed. hard to differentiate the bad guys from the good guys because your intentions kinda got misplaced when you whipped out the pen and paper asking for digits in trying to connect to me.
access denied brotha-- perhaps your intentions are just to kick it and chill, but how do i know thas the deal when you ask me "do you got a boyfriend? can i be your boyfriend" technicality i am "on the market" cuz there's no ring on my finger, but the mental, soul, emotional, spiritual is unavailable.
but that doesn't really matter because that part of me isn't crucial to your sexual desires. it's all in the mask, not the essence or the personality that differentiates me from the rest.
look at me straight in my eyes not on my chest keep your hands to youself and off of my ass-- i'm entitled to some sort of respect, not degradation to your perverse mental porno.
to be continued------ | | |
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